Hoshi wo Taguru 3.2

Now that Tokizawa had momentarily separated himself from Subaru, Subaru began to unconsciously observe him. Subaru watched as Tokizawa’s big clumsy hands opened the packaging and took out its contents, putting the pancakes on a plate.

...Ah. Subaru thought to himself after realizing he was staring.

Subaru suddenly felt uncomfortable and quickly shifted his gaze towards his cup.

He remembered that Tokizawa felt uncomfortable being observed. Though in high school, Tokizawa would stare at Subaru too. Subaru had had difficulty pretending that he didn’t notice the eagerness and longing in Tokizawa’s gaze.

Nothing had really changed since then.

Subaru heard  the microwave door shut with a soft thud, and soon the scent of vanilla filled the air inside the bar. 

“So...” Subaru started.

“Yeah?” Tokizawa’s quiet response mixed with the sound of the microwave humming.

“Did you choose the name of this bar from my name?”

Tokizawa froze. Silence followed, and Subaru hung his head as an awkward atmosphere began to encircle them.

After a little while, Tokizawa sighed in defeat and nodded his head. Tokizawa admitted to it readily.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Subaru figured as much. Which means that Tokizawa probably still liked him.

Subaru took a deep breath. He nervously lifted his gaze. Tokizawa was looking at Subaru with an apologetic look on his face.

Don’t admit it so honestly, idiot.

They silently stared at each other for a while until Tokizawa laughed nervously and tilted his neck.

“Sorry, you must feel creeped out. But I don’t think of you like that anymore so you don’t have to put your guard up,” Tokizawa tried to assure Subaru.

“Huh?”

“Right before I started working here, a lot of things happened so I was feeling rather depressed. Then for some reason I remembered you, and it really helped me out. Though that’s probably even more creepy. You’d probably feel grossed out by that too... But when I decided to open up this bar, I remembered that you showed me a picture of the Pleiades constellation. I really thought that we’d never see each other again so I decided to use it. I’m sorry.”

“...It’s fine.”

Almost as if he had these lines prepared, Tokizawa kept giving reason after reason. The Tokizawa that Subaru knew wasn’t good with words. He was always thinking and overthinking, and usually it would take some time before the words came out of his mouth. He was a person who always slowly and politely thought out his words.

Even though Tokizawa was timid and hated to stand out, he still started to work a job that didn’t exactly fit him in the service industry. Subaru started to realize how much Tokizawa had actually changed.

“The pancakes are almost ready,” mentioned enthusiastically.

Subaru came back down to earth once he heard Tokizawa’s cheerful voice. Tokizawa’s beautiful face showed an unrestrained smile.

The microwave played a melody to signal that it had finished heating up the food, and Tokizawa took out the pancakes, put them on a plate, added some syrup, and finally placed them in front of Subaru. Subaru started to silently eat the pancakes with the fork and knife.

“Subaru.”

“...What?”

“Sorry to interrupt while you’re eating, but can I ask why you quit your job?”

Subaru was still in the middle of chewing when Tokizawa asked. He thought for a bit while he finished chewing and nodded after he swallowed the pancakes.

“It’s quite a boring story though.”

“I still want to hear it.”

Subaru started his story as he moved his knife and fork. He wasn’t sure where to start so he decided to start from when he entered his company.

“After I graduated from college, I started working at a pharmaceutical company, and I was assigned to work in sales.”

“A pharmaceutical company...” Tokizawa repeated.

Tokizawa found himself echoing Subaru’s words. Perhaps he thought it was rather unexpected. Not even the high schooler Subaru would have ever imagined working at a pharmaceutical company when he was older.

“At first, I was doing really well,” Subaru continued to tell Tokizawa, I worked really hard for 5 years and then I was promoted to team leader. Then a section from another department was transferred over, and the boss of that department and I didn’t get along.”

This boss was really spiteful to the people who had just been promoted. He would ridicule people who were younger than him and never once listened to their opinions. It seemed like he was the type to only have gotten promotions by sucking up to the higher ups because he wasn’t capable enough to do his job. Even though Subaru’s team was doing well and being continuously successful, their boss would find fault in everything and would torment Subaru and the other juniors.

“And then one day, I made a mistake. A mistake not even a new hire would make. A stock that had been ordered wasn’t delivered on the designated day.”

“Seriously?”

“To make matters worse, the client made such a big deal about it, and the supervisor was also rather fastidious about it. So because of that, the contract between them was cut, and I was told to take responsibility for it and got fired over it.”

After saying it aloud, Subaru realized that he really put it crudely. While he was in the maelstrom of it all, Subaru sincerely felt like it was his mistake. By that time, Subaru felt like he was stuck in a position that no matter what was decided or whether there was a side to blame, neither the company nor the client could forgive the outcome delivery issue. Subaru was already so exhausted that he couldn't see the situation clearly.

But it wasn't really Subaru's mistake. Subaru couldn't really be to blame. The boss gave Subaru's team that task even though they already had their hands full with other work to do. When Subaru realized this, it was too late. His dismissal was imminent.

In the end, Subaru could no longer be bothered. He had no emotional attachment to his work, and he had a horrible boss that he didn't want to work for anymore anyway.

So then, Subaru was let go by the company.

Subaru was a bit hesitant about telling Tokizawa the truth because it was possible for Tokizawa to think that Subaru was just making excuses. Subaru didn’t want Tokizawa to think that.

“I was also living with my girlfriend then, and when I told her I no longer had a job, she broke up with me and told me to get out. So I decided to go back to my parents, but I haven’t decided what to do after that.”

With that, Subaru finished his story, and Tokizawa just silently stared at him. He was making a face that seemed to look more hurt than Subaru’s.

“Why are you making that face?” Subaru asked Tokizawa.

“If I was the boss, I would have prostrated on the floor and begged for you not to quit.”

“No way, that’s stupid.”

"It's not stupid!" Tokizawa reasoned, "It's true. You’re an amazing guy and extremely competent, and your company didn’t know that. The fact that they never realized it the five years you worked with them, sounds even more stupid than me. It’s too late for them to regret it now.”

Tokizawa looked so genuinely upset that Subaru couldn't help himself and just started laughing. Tokizawa looked at him inquisitively.

“If you're laughing like this, I guess you're already over it?”

“No actually, I was really depressed about it until I talked to you. Losing my job and home just happened so recently. I came here without any sort of direction or thought of what to do next. So the more I thought about it, the more depressed I felt. But I was surprised that you would get angry for my sake. Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

Subaru began to nod, and Tokizawa started to laugh too.

Tokizawa had never laughed so freely in front of Subaru. Not even when they were in high school. Even though Tokizawa never did anything wrong, it always seemed like he was afraid of something.

“You can drink a lot today, it’s on the house,” Tokizawa told Subaru.

“Is that okay for even you to say? You know, I can drink a lot.”

“It’s fine.”

“Okay, I’ll take you up on your offer.”

Subaru downed the rest of the drink that was in his glass. He began to absentmindedly think about Tokizawa’s words. He remembered that in high school, he was the one who showed Tokizawa a picture of the Pleiades constellation.

Subaru wondered if Tokizawa still remembered that. Subaru pondered on that thought, the way a person strangely starts to think of things when feeling down.